To you my love,
For the past few weeks I have tried every day to be a little more mindful. It’s hard to get into but once you know how, it’s something that you can so easily incorporate into your every day life. For me, it’s those extra 10 minutes in bed in the morning after I’ve opened my eyes, when usually I’d jump up, dressing gown on and straight downstairs to make a cup of tea, where instead I find myself just laying still next to you a little bit longer watching you sleep, wondering if you’re having nice dreams or if you’ll tell me how awful they were when you wake up. Listening to you breathe, I’ve noticed you breathe heavier when you’re not having a good sleep and you’re silent when you are. You look so peaceful most of the time, but I’m aware that any little noise or any little movement could wake you up, so I stay still, and I just watch you. Often you’ll reach over to put your arm around me, and I smile to myself wondering if subconsciously you know I’m watching you or whether you just do it out of habit because we have shared a bed with each other for such a long time now. It’s the staring out of the window at nothing in particular but everything at the same time. Have you noticed it’s actually beginning to get dark shortly after 2pm in the afternoons now? I don’t think I’d ever really paid too much attention to that before. I love these dark cold evenings when the wind is blowing against the trees and our cats never want to be too far away from us because they know how warm it is inside, and how comfy it always is on the sofas because we have blankets on us all of the time. I’ve always loved the coziness of the late autumn/early winter evenings but I didn’t appreciate them until I met you. Not really. I value everything that little bit more because of you. Each moment is so precious. I listen to the candles flickering and my eyes get blurry from staring at the Christmas tree lights for too long, I love the smell of real Christmas trees. Nothing beats it. We watched our first Christmas film of the year today, the ones on channel 5 are always so cheesy and romantic but I think that’s why I love them so much. It made me want a white Christmas so much and to put tacky lights up all outside the front of the house like they do in the films, because that’s the magic of it isn’t it? It doesn’t have to be colour coordinated and stylish, It just needs to be magical and fun. We organised to have the girls again on Saturday, we’re going to have a whole afternoon of Christmas crafts and we’re going to make pizza and probably watch another Christmas film with them. I can’t wait to hear Darcie tell me what she wants for Christmas again. There’s nothing quite like asking a four year old what they want for Christmas. They are so innocent and they have no concept of quality rather than quantity, they just want everything, yet they’d probably be so happy with just anything. I love that. We have stayed in our pyjamas all day today, yet I’ve somehow managed to empty our laundry basket and done two loads of washing as well as publish two blog posts, so I feel as though at least I’ve done something if not much. Who knows, maybe I’ll even wash my hair, maybe I won’t. This tonsillitis that I’ve self diagnosed is taking it’s toll on me and I’m feeling super sorry for myself, I just want all the cups of tea and biscuits. But you make tea better than I do and you’ve coincidentally fallen asleep as I’m writing this, so maybe I’ll have to wake you up to make me one.
in case I only tell you 99 times today..
I love you!